Well after having posted yesterday, I feel a slight urge to do it again.
Just a simple little thing, kind of like a virtual diary for me, I mean I highly doubt anyone will read any of this.

Today I woke up, and the feeling of sadness that usually comes with my depression was replaced with something else. I'm not sure the word closest to this feeling, but it may be, numbness?

I feel nothing, almost as if all emotions are switched off. I think of something that would have earlier caused a fit of tears, and nothing. My face is stoic, and my feelings dissipated. Maybe this is a closer step to getting back to my 'normal' self, where I'm not instantly crying.
But today just feels not right. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for weeks, and not because I'm tired from crying, simply because I feel there's nothing else worth doing. Which is absurd, because I KNOW that's not true. I have a loving family who would love to talk to me, a handful of friends who would love the same.

Maybe even some people I wouldn't categorize as 'friends' would want to be with me. I think sometimes I don't give people the benefit of the doubt. I always think, 'oh they don't really like me, it's just work, or school.' When in reality, this person would probably enjoy seeing me outside of those situations as much as I would enjoy seeing them.

So why do I continue to keep so many people at arms length?

It appears that this is something I need to change. God has put so many amazing people in my life, so why am I keeping these people from getting close to me? Why do I feel the need to decide who is allowed to be 'my friend' and who isn't. God has decided this, God has made everything work this way for a reason. I know the people I know for a reason, I have loved the people I have loved for a reason. Nothing is by chance.

Another realization by writing out my emotions. God is good.